why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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