the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
