So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
