I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
