: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
