Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
