watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
