i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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