Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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