Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
