I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
