so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
