Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
