she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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