Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
