Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
