so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i drank out of a bidet.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
