i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
