My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Randomize
