We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
