Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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