i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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