everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
