My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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