when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
