Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
