Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
