how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
