was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
