Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
