they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
