just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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