Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
