North Korea, Best Korea!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have tasted many bathrooms
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