Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
