we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize