I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She announced her abortion via fbk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
