how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
