I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
