ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize