dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
