Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
