i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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