i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
