so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
