community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
