guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
and you fell through a lawn chair
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
