I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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