You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
