I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
