I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
