I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
