did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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