Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
