I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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