So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
