my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
