i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
