Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize