Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
