o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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