why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
