He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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