I puked a lego.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
