I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
