I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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