She's JV to your varsity
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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