i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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