I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
