I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
