he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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