He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
