Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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