is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
