She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
