Dual....:-)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
