my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
