IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
