She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
