the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
