I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
