He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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