I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
