Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
