Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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