hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize