I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
